Nissan Altima 2.5 S (2007)

June 6, 2007 - Writing car review after car review, it gets tough to come up with new and fresh ways to make a vehicle sound interesting. Well that's not entirely true; we can ramble on and on like crazed fanboys when we get behind the wheel of something totally rad like an Audi RS4. But when it comes to "average" sedans like the new Nissan Altima 2.5 S, our job just gets difficult. Really, what is there to say about Nissan's new Altima that can't be said about most other sedans? We can take any sedan review out there on the interweb, cut out certain parts and paste them here, and we'd likely have a pretty accurate review of the new Altima. But as interesting as a totally nonsensical and disjointed article about a Hyundai Accord sounds, the resulting review would in actuality be as plain as Jan Brady eating a Wonder Bread sandwich while driving a beige Buick. So we thought we would try to find some ways to give these reviews some pizzaz - a written form of "jazz hands", if you will. We're looking for new ways to make stories like this interesting to read, or at the very least, make this article enjoyable for us to write. We're still hardcore fans of the old skateboard magazine Big Brother, so we toyed around with trying to "bite" that magazine's style. But we're not as talented or as gnar gnar as Carn Carn (or Gary, for that matter), nor do we have the free reign to create an article filled with "poop" references, so we tossed that idea in the can. We then thought about trying to copy our current all-time favorite automotive writer - Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson. But that type of writing style is also a no-go as we genuinely can't think of anything negative to say about the French. Maybe if and when we actually go to the land of Napoleon, cheese and wine (and surrender monkeys!) we'll have some Clarkson-like insights about the country, which in turn will allow us to write a proper Clarkson-style review. Without a clear direction as to where we want to go, we're left toying with the idea of doing a review consisting of nothing but bullet points. We ran this idea by our bosses, but they said that we need to fill this space up with words - the more the better. We'll do our best to satisfy our desire to be lazy and find some sort of way to hit the required word count. We figure that the best way to do this is to focus on just the things that really stood out about the new four-cylinder Altima.